| It's strange how I want to do what I want to do. For the past years, I have been saying how stupid people (including me, of course, since I am human) are and I was so frustrated with that. And yet, that's what I want to do, work with people. Anyone would think that if I think people were stupid and frustrating, I would want to get a job that requires minimum human contact. I do not understand why and how I have this inner passion to work with people. Some might say that I just like being everyone's boss, but truthfully, I don't think I'd mind not being everyone's boss. Of course, if I think that "my boss" is making stupid decisions and think that I can do better, then I'd mind. It would be awesome if I am able to be a boss, and it would be an honor, but if not, I think I'll be fine with that. I am working on a group project right now; me and four other people. We have to get this thing done by Tuesday and I feel like we still have a lot to do. One of the guys suggested working on a Saturday morning, and I thought "Great! We'll get it done and over with." What I didn't realize then was that half the group didn't hear that comment and didn't even consider. I didn't even know if the guy was being serious or not. So, for anyone who knows me pretty well, I am very dedicated to my work, but not necessarily to my school work. You might also know that I am fully dedicated to the things I like and not so much (if at all) to the things I don't like. Yes, we are working on a school project, but we're making a film! There's no doubt about me getting excited for this. I'm not the leader in this group, but I initiated, because "that's what I do best." So, I sent them a mass e-mail saying that we should meet Saturday morning, before the "main character" has to leave in the afternoon. So, I was all excited to get this thing done, until the "main character," the same guy who suggested we could film on Saturday, sent me an e-mail back saying that he preferred not to, but will if we have to. Then it hit me. "AHRAM!! It's a frickin Saturday! Saturday MORNING! No one wants to get up and work on school stuff! STUPID!" Now I feel inconsiderate and stupid for sending that e-mail. I had a meeting with the "head person" for student organizations. We talked about yearbook and stuff and I got a lot out of it. Another thing we talked about was how we could speed things up a bit. She encouraged me to remind them about the deadlines we have and how stressful it will be if we don't do it now. So, I sent my staff an e-mail saying how little time we have and how we need to speed things up, reminding them that we have more time now than we will have at the end of the year, and how they do NOT want me pissed. As I write the e-mail, I'm feeling guilty because I'm basically yelling at the staff to get their butts moving and here I am, not doing much. I feel horrible because I know I should help them, but I don't want to start working on the pages and mess things up for the ones who know better. I know I should lead them better, but I do not know how. I know that they don't have much time to work on it, because even I don't have time to do much these days. But being in a position that I am in, I have to be the slave driver and I have to make tough decisions that I don't necessarily want to make. My supervisor at work came up to me yesterday and talked to me about how I managed a Saturday closing shift the previous weekend. She told me how there were lots of unfinished work left and how the lead student manager had to finish up after we left, even though she was there to work on paperwork, not other things. The supervisor wasn't being mean or anything. She understood that it was my first time working on a Saturday closing shift and that's what she assumed that Saturday night. But because it was my first Saturday closing shift, I should've known better. I should've asked if there were anything else left to do, since I was so unfamiliar with that certain shift. And believe me when I say that wasn't the first mistake I made at work, and probably not the last (hopefully not, but probably). I love working with people and, I tell you the truth, especially when I'm the one who's telling people what to do. But in the process of doing so, I am in pain and frustration at the fact that I cannot do a better job on trying to be a good leader. So, you'll understand when I say "It's strange how I want to do what I want to do." Sorry for the long entry, but if you read it through it all, Thanks. |
